Timeless

So today is the start. Today is the next day in the reality of my future. I am so pressed. No matter where I am, it busy. I struggle with the task and the future. Keeping it together is the hardest part of being. It's not a psychological thing; it's an abilities thing.

I want to succeed. I want to be the best. I am respected, but its so soon into the new responsibility.

Family is full of struggle. Separation is pain in waves.

Pain. Its what I have become. The universe has found a way to stuff pain into this mortal shell of a man that has surprising room to be stuffed. I have more and more each day. Its a real pain, not the kind of the mind.

4 phones sit before me. They are spaced neatly on my bed beside the PC. I await the call that I do not want to hear nor answer. Keep them all on, keep them all charged. Signal, check.

I so do want to go back to the sandbox and vindicate my mettle. I want to prove the piece of cloth on my chest is not for show... that its a badge of my actions. The world will never know. I am not the stuff of the pages of history. But I am the hero in my story and I must prevail. Why do I need this? Why must I be consumed by this desire for chaos?

Sleep is a confusing state of innocuousness unnsciousness. With my pain and this box I call my home, its tough to reach the elusive state of rest. I sleep sideways to fit on the pad. I toss all night with a surprising memory of both the sleep and the sleep I am not getting.

CH 1 ~

Lets finish. I want the sideways pain for a while so I can lie to myself that I am awake tomorrow.